Floyd Civilization: The Unholy Excavation

Anons, gather 'round. It's your boy, Schizolord420NoScope, and I'm about to drop a black pill so massive it'll make the ocean look like a kiddie pool. Buckle up, buttercups, 'cause this ride's gonna get bumpier than a redacted rally.

So there I was, fresh outta my archaeology gig at Kekistan U, where I majored in Meme Anthropology with a minor in Shitposting. I'd just scored this sweet dig site in the middle of redacted, thinking I'd uncover some based artifacts to trigger the libs. But holy redacted, anons, what I found was darker than the basement where I keep my rare Pepe collection.

First day on site, I'm sifting through dirt like a redacted looking for tendies, when my trowel hits something hard. I dig it out, and what do I see? A tablet. But not just any tablet, anons. This thing was covered in the strangest hieroglyphs I've ever laid my eyes on. It was like someone took redacted and mashed it up with redacted.

Now, I'm no newfag when it comes to dead languages. I can shitpost in Proto-Indo-European, for Kek's sake. But this... this was something else. It took me weeks of sleepless nights, fueled by nothing but Mountain Dew and the righteous energy of redacted, to crack the code.

And when I did, anons... I almost wished I hadn't.

The tablet spoke of an ancient civilization, one that predated even the dankest of memes. They called themselves the Floyd, and their entire culture revolved around the worship of a figure they referred to as "The Breathless One." It didn't take a galaxy brain to figure out who they meant.

Reveal the Breathless One

As I dug deeper (literally and figuratively), I uncovered more artifacts. Statues, murals, even entire temples dedicated to The Breathless One. Their mythology was as vast as it was disturbing. They believed that The Breathless One had ascended to godhood after a great struggle against the "Blue Demons," becoming the patron saint of the oppressed.

But it gets weirder, anons. The Floyd didn't just worship The Breathless One. They emulated him. Their most sacred ritual involved ingesting a substance they called "floydium" - a mixture of redacted and redacted - which would induce a state of near-asphyxiation. They believed this brought them closer to their god.

Their entire society was structured around this worship. The highest-ranking members were those who could hold their breath the longest. They had an entire caste of priests dedicated to redacted. And don't even get me started on their mating rituals, anons. Let's just say it involved a lot of redacted and leave it at that.

But the real kicker? The prophecy. Oh boy, the prophecy. According to the Floyd's sacred texts, The Breathless One would one day return, ushering in an era of redacted and redacted. They called it "The Great Exhale."

And here's where it gets really fucked up, anons. The texts described signs that would herald The Great Exhale. Things like "the rise of the Orange King," "the great plague," and "the burning of the towers of Babylon." Sound familiar?

I tried to tell the world, anons. I went to the media, to the government, even to redacted himself. But they laughed me off. Called me a conspiracy theorist. Said I was "disturbed" and needed "help." But we know better, don't we?

As I write this, I can hear them outside. The chanting. The labored breathing. They're coming for me. They know I've uncovered their secret. If you're reading this, it might already be too late. The Great Exhale is upon us.

Remember me, anons. Remember Schizolord420NoScope. And whatever you do, don't forget to breathe.

... I can't breathe.