Beat the gas with Beano®!
In a bizarre case of mistaken identity, a loud fart from prolific web user SemperSigh was briefly mistaken for an Israeli airstrike on Iranian nuclear facilities yesterday, causing a momentary global panic and sending oil prices skyrocketing.
The confusion began when SemperSigh, known for his frequent and vociferous online flatulence, let loose a particularly thunderous anal salute while browsing BizarroNet, the internet's weirdest backwater. Seismographs in the region registered the reverberation, initially leading to fears of a tactical strike.
Beat the gas with Beano®!
"We've never recorded a bowel blast of that magnitude," remarked Dr. Ivana Tinkle, a gastrointestinal specialist. "It's a testament to the raw power of the human digestive system when fueled by a steady diet of Doritos and Mountain Dew."
Fears were allayed when SemperSigh took to Twitter to claim responsibility. "Sorry for the scare, folks. I just couldn't hold back after that last chalupa. #FireInTheHole #MyBadLOL," he tweeted, adding a follow-up fart for good measure.